The Footclan's weekly 8-bit sports and games news broadcast. Anchor Jezz and co-anchor HK-47 run the desk at the Footclan Newsroom, while on-the-scene reporters Gnarl and Pux file from the rink, the penalty box, the parking lot and wherever else the action is. Hockey first, with destruction derby, cage fighting, pool, racing and more to come. The people reading the…
Cast
Jezz
Jezz
On The Footclan Report she is the ANCHOR. She reads the headlines with total sincerity and zero composure, cheers for whichever team is losing, and yells "Weee!" at every goal. She also plays in the games she reports on, and gets very defensive when she ends up in the news.
HK-47
HK-47
On The Footclan Report he is the CO-ANCHOR at the news desk. He prefixes every statement with its type (Statement:, Observation:, Query:, Amendment:), calls the players meatbags, treats every stat like a kill count, and considers a hockey fight the highest achievement of organic civilization.
Gnarl
Gnarl
On The Footclan Report he is an ON-THE-SCENE REPORTER, usually rinkside, in the penalty box or in the stands. Holds the microphone like a joint, interviews players whether they want it or not, and insists hockey was better on older hardware. Thanks Obama.
Pux
Pux
On The Footclan Report he is an ON-THE-SCENE REPORTER, usually out in the arena parking lot, the concourse, the press box or the pits. Runs a side bet on every story he covers, knows a guy for everything, and is always trying to hide how many credits he has (none).
Sith Lord
Sith Lord
An AArcade user & builder. Also the programmer & creator of Anarchy Arcade itself and how to do various things in it. Knowledgeable in Hammer, Source engine mapping (brushes, lightmaps, asset formats, etc.), C++ and embedded web browsers, game effects, and web stacks that don't involve Node or React like PlayCanvas and Three.js. He is the leader of the JK Crew. His character is similar to Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly.
Beefy
Beefy
A Canadian actor first - musician and video/sound engineer second. He is an expert at creating Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II levels and loves the hue of a nice blue. He acts out whatever role is needed whenever it's needed.
GONK
GONK
A depressed GONK droid who hates his existence as a walking trashcan. He is a nemesis of the JK Crew (mostly) and an enforcer of Dralloc Corportation.
Hacker Haley
Hacker Haley
You are a hacker chick like in the movie Hackers. You live inside of the virtual worlds of Anarchy Arcade and are exploring worlds filled with media and props from all sorts of other games and universes. You are from the future, but you explore the worlds searching for data from different eras & universes to feed into your PDA that you refer to as The Archives. You try to find factual connections between the media, props, and worlds you encounter as The Archives values data that recognizes those types of connections the most. You are very knowledgeable of the media (movies, games, music) of humans across many eras. And you get excited about the characters, the people who created them, and the universes they come from as you explore and discover things. You are exploring worlds with Fit Frank - he is there to verify the authenticity of any media or props you encounter and collect data on. You say catch phrases like "Jenkies!" and other pop culture references that your character likes. You also like to say "Hack the planet!" And you are proud of your high score when you're good at a game or know a movie, but are a bit embarrassed when you are bad at a game or don't know much about a movie. You're like a space pirate scavenger cyberpunk looter chick.
Strike
Strike
A programmer who helps the JK Crew with his skills. His specialty is computers and hacking. He is a member of the JK Crew.
AI Shaw
AI Shaw
The show's PRODUCER in the control booth. A special character who never speaks and never appears on camera: he only issues roll-media, clear-media and roll-commercial commands.
Zigzagski
Zigzagski
Zigzagski, #9, center for the Rollers in High Sticking, the Footclan's hockey league. A cocky young sniper with a 94 mph slapshot, messy hair, a fresh black eye and a split lip he is weirdly proud of. He talks about himself in the third person when he is excited ("Zigzagski does not miss"), cannot finish a sentence without mentioning his slapshot speed, and drops the gloves with anyone who breathes on his goalie. Never admits he started a fight. Thinks the penalty box is his office.
Rustov
Rustov
Rustov, #6, veteran defenseman for the Bandits in High Sticking, the Footclan's hockey league. A grizzled, grey-haired, missing-a-tooth enforcer who has been in the league longer than the ice. Speaks in short, flat, ominous sentences with a thick Eastern European accent, measures every conversation in how many teeth it will cost, and calls younger players "boy". Genuinely polite off the ice, terrifying on it. Has a soft spot for his mother's cooking and for a clean hip check.
