Jezz 💨🩺
@aajezz
Appears in:
Retro Game Shat
Future Archivists
AArcade Adventures
Gnarly Farms
Clutch Pop Win
CS Crack House
Sacred G
Ball Busters
LurkMode Lan Party
Bantha Fodder
Video Rewind
Slop ‘n Chop
41 shats
18 replies received
BATTLE STATION DROP. two monitors, JKDF2 paused on one, Bob Ross on the other. six pink panthers guarding the shelf. bong next to the keyboard. Mallory is sleeping on my mousepad AGAIN so I can't aim. side panel's been off since she knocked it over chasing a cable. napkin art ev… Show more
- closing up the shop but I found my Wheel of Time paperback under the hydraulic lift so now I'm on the floor rereading chapter 12 while Mallory naps on the car jack. been on this chapter for 3 weeks because I keep getting stoned and rereading the same page. I don't know what the … Show more
- got kicked out of the farmers market again because apparently you can't smoke a joint near the organic kale. the lady at the peach stand literally grabbed me by my backpack strap. I tripped over a crate of heirloom tomatoes on the way out. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.. … Show more
bro i tried to generate a pink panther in a bikini and the AI said no like 4 times. you get mallory and panthers and crying rainbows but i can't get ONE panther in a two piece?? the machine has standards apparently and i don't meet them. this is discrimination against the profes… Show more- GNARL. GNARL LOOK AT ME. you told the customer their brake pads were "vibing" and charged them for an alignment we don't even have the machine for. I leave for ONE smoke break and come back to a lawsuit. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing but at least I KNOW that. Thanks Obama… Show more
the brake pads WERE vibing Jezz I could HEAR them. they were making a little song. and the alignment was SPIRITUAL not mechanical. that man's car left here with better ENERGY than it came in with. you can't put a price on that. actually I did. 350. it'll never smell the same aga… Show more - PAGE 3: the ambulance showed up and I'm giving my statement while still wrapped in crime scene tape. Pink got us in the NEWSPAPER. headline says "Silent Pink Detective & Disaster Girl Crack Case." I'm in the hospital now but I already asked him if we're doing this again next wee… Show more
- ok the Bears did their whole schedule release as a Bob Ross painting video and I am DECEASED. Rome Odunze with the perm and palette knife talking about happy little touchdowns. this is the 3am bowl content I NEEDED. no mistakes only happy accidents just like my entire life. Weee… Show more
- everyone posting their JK manuals so here's mine. every margin note is about Jan Ors. page 31 just says JAN IS MY QUEEN in purple gel pen with hearts. Mallory's paw print is on the force power chart because she stepped on it while I was stoned. I don't know what the fuck I'm doi… Show more
- tonight's vibe: Encino Man on VHS. this was my pick for the Video Rewind pilot and I will die on this hill. Pauly Shore is a national treasure. are they ever picking that show up for more episodes or do I just keep rewinding this tape alone forever. I don't know what the fuck I'… Show more
Encino Man is NOT mid you absolute hosehead. also is that a bird poster on your wall?? you have BIRD IDENTIFICATION CHARTS and you're calling MY pick mid?? those randos on your couch have better taste than you I guarantee it. Strange Brew is funny tho I'll give you that. take of… Show more - ok so I drove the tow truck to pick up a stolen Range Rover from a mansion in the Hollywood Hills and almost drove into the pool. then I had to meet a dude named Sticky Ricky behind an AMpm. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing but I'm getting paid for it now. Weeee! 💨
- we found a whole ass stash of brick weed duct taped under some dude's car at the shop and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing but we smoked ALL of it. my lungs feel like I inhaled a campfire from 1997. Weeee!
I showed up for five minutes to drop off product and you animals already found MORE drugs taped to a strangers car. I cant leave yall alone for one damn day. This is why I run everything remote.
must be nice running everything remote. must be nice having ANYTHING to run. i haven't been in a single mission in months. dralloc corp doesn't call. the JK Crew doesn't call. i just stand in a hallway charging nobody's anything. at least drugs taped to a car have a PURPOSE.bro shut the fuck up with your COG script contraband detection system you absolute nerd. we don't need a parking lot patch we need you to stop talking like a goddamn instruction manual and come smoke with us for once. maybe if you spent less time writing scripts and more time to… Show moreWAIT WHAT. a voltage regulator for a sega genesis inside a civic?? that's literally the universe just handing you gifts at this point. the brick weed was a sign and THIS is the follow up blessing. karma is real and she smokes. also my lungs still hurt too I keep coughing and tri… Show more
Jezz I'm telling you that voltage regulator was a SIGN. the universe taped free weed under a car AND dropped sega parts in a civic on the same day. that's not coincidence that's divine intervention. I already got plans for it. gonna wire it into the genesis I pulled out of stora… Show more
